I've never really had a blog like this before, but I imagine every blogger gets to this point in their story......where they figure they can just skip that part. You know, that part that isn't quite as neat and tidy as you would like it to be. That part that if you just skipped it no one would know the difference and it would be much easier anyway. But blogs shouldn't be that way I think. Blogs should be the real deal. Authentic. Transparent. Even humbling at times. I mean, this here is my real life, people. Not my "facebook life", if you know what I mean. If I'm going to write a blog, I'm all in. So I forge ahead bravely....
The success 7th & Boulder enjoyed at the Battle of the Bands really fueled the fire of Josh's new-found passion for music and performing. That was good and bad. The part that was good, and even somewhat healing, was watching Josh create and embrace a new identity apart from being an athlete. It seemed to me that there was even a small and shocking possibility that he was enjoying this more than he did playing sports.
The bad part was that I sensed maybe his drive and ambition were surpassing that of his band mates. This was evidenced by the fact that he was growing frustrated when the other guys' ability or commitment level wasn't what he hoped for. I watched this from afar and tried to figure out a way to give him wise counsel without getting too involved. I thought this through for a long time and finally shared my observations with Josh, which were:
These guys were best friends first who then decided to form a band for fun. It was nobody's "main thing" -- except for Josh. Many times the other guys couldn't practice because they all played sports; they were very involved and committed to baseball, football, basketball and golf. That made it hard on Josh for two reasons: not only were they often busy, but they were off doing what he couldn't do anymore.
I also thought Josh's desire to push the band to new levels of "greatness" was about to push them away. As a parent, when you see these things unfolding, what do you do? I wanted Josh to have the opportunity to move to a different level if that's the direction he was going in, but this was undoubtedly a sticky situation.
I prayerfully considered the best way to move forward, and I kept coming back to the fact that they were friends first, band second. Friends first, band second. I could see this band was never going to be what Josh wanted it to be...what it was never meant to be. The friendships needed to stay intact above all else.
Finally, after much thought and with great confidence, I presented my advice to Josh: Josh, these are your best friends and you just happened to become a band. What I think you need to do at this point is form a band that you just happen to become friends. That way, the band is started with the talent and commitment level in mind, the expectations are set and agreed on from the beginning, and then your band can be your band and your friends can be your friends.
He agreed. In no time at all he was contacting people who he knew were great musicians and asking them if they wanted to start a band together. Once again, I tried to stay well aware of how everything was developing without meddling. Josh assured me that all was well.
After a few months, I started to wonder if that truly was the case. Just things I picked up on here and there prompted me to touch base with a few of the parents. I soon came to understand that Josh had not fully communicated his desire and intentions to the 7th & Boulder band. They all knew the band had pretty much run its course, but Josh should have been more upfront with them about what he was doing. I understand...he was a 16-year-old kid who wanted to avoid conflict at all costs. But these are life skills that need to be learned, and he had to learn this one the hard way.
Coming to the realization that we had not made a super smooth transition between bands was pretty hard on me. I especially felt responsible since it was all my idea. I started to doubt my wisdom and ability as a parent and I wondered regretfully if I had led Josh astray. I still don't know the answers to these questions.
Once Josh finally did start communicating, almost everyone involved was very kind, gracious, understanding and supportive of Josh. The "almost everyone" part is what still bothers me a little to this day. But what more could we do? Josh even withdrew money from his savings account so he could pay each person for their portion of the equipment they had all bought together with their snow shoveling money. I have seen a few of the guys at some of Josh's recent shows and that really means a lot to us. From what I can tell, they are all still good
friends. But as you can see from this post, what do I know?
Even still, the 7th & Boulder years were really quite magical for many reasons. This band gave Josh a hope and a purpose during a very dark time of his life. The pure, innocent, productive fun these six amazing guys had together is the kind of thing every parent wishes for their child. And the fact that Todd and I had the honor of hosting them in our home for hours and days and years on end is a privilege we will always be grateful for. I know you can't expect teenage boys to show warm fuzzies and be sentimental and all that, but my heartfelt prayer is that when these guys grow up and look back on this time, I really hope they feel the same way.
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